I am never putting anything on my head ever again. Ever. I need an ale. Hey! Sir Kadunkin! Nice to see you again! Shit, they’re still looking for me. Skaff’s kind of a slow reader (not that I should judge). Wait wait wait wait, your father was an Oathkeeper and now he wants YOU to become one? . . . YOU?! . . . (Ok cool.) “A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!” Who name’s a horse Omen? Are they TRYING to get me killed (stares at the GM)? Ha the dwarf got no hops. Though he was wearing half an armory on his back. GIMME THE BASTARD SWORD!!! Noooooo it hurts me when I use iiiiiiiiiiiiiit! (Oh well.) Nice castle, wish Sir Kadunkin had given us the flippin’ key. Guess my rope theory didn’t pan out, now my ass is bruised. Olo?! (No, wait it’s hello.) Hello?! Anybody hooooooooome?! This guy seems pretty shady to me. (Gasp) the food is HEADS! (If Nugget brands them he’s dead.) Isn’t it great how that villain guy was so good at house elf magic that he could just snap his fingers and make us disapparate? Good times. Ok not so good times because I got knocked out by headless zombies. (Yay me.) And now there’s a new guy named Ragnar . . . . . . . (wonder if he’ll take an arrow to the knee). Though to be fair, he does seem like a decently scruffy-looking nerfherder. (Ha, references.) Sir Kadunkin are you ok?! Ok so the grandmaster’s sword is called Guillotine and it’s missing? . . . (fuck it’s vorpal). I call this bedroom! Actually let’s head back into town to gather some supplies for our next gig. (Giff Gaff patty whack, give a dog a bone.) CAN WE PLEEEEASE STOP BUYING STUFF AND LEAVE? Got a sweet new shield though. (Secret sigil.) Ok let’s get going. Oh no, random encounter! Ha no problem. Let’s see, we have a wolf, a hobgoblin, and a . . . . . (silent terror) . . . . . BUGBEAR! Phew, can’t believe we got through that unscathed. THANK YA JESUS! (See me for details.) And now we’re at the ruins. Let’s just peek around this beautifully stoneworked corner here, and . . . oh dear. I seem to have become grappled by a large and sinister tentacled monster. Whatever shall I do? If only there were some brave lady well versed in the subtleties of fire magic to rescue me from my current plight. (Thanks babe.) Yeah maybe we should stick together in here. Hey guys . . . . . Ragnar please put your ribs away, it’s just indecent to leave them poking out of your body like that. Naptime.