Bloopers...AKA something went wrong.

Karl accidentally decapitated himself with a crown. That he just had pulled off dead skeleton

Alchemist that blew up the massive castle gate perfectly, dropped a fire cask on himself, guess you could say he went out with a bang.

Christalia killed a man with another man she just killed, Via falling off roof.

Skaff passed the Pit of faith by tripping.

The GM forgot how Zombies DR work…….. thank god Ragnaar showed up when he did.

Why did the Party split….. how didn’t the Gm plan for this, Go to the left, easy fight for 3, to right Imminent death for 2, how didn’t I think that would happen, Oh wait….. yay random chance.

The Ogre Crit, Twice!!! Rip Ragnaars Rib cage

Eunice died via Dragonfire., but in exchange the party got 25 hobgoblins. Yay grilled Horse!!!! Hope Karl didn’t choke on that.

the team saved a village and put them to work instead of killing them, or leaving them to fend for themselves. If only all the males weren’t killed.

Lelahii is the best face-man in the party, just by offering cake mix to everyone.

Story \ points of interest. By the GM
Episode 1- 2

Episode 1

So our adventurers started off in the biggest town in the Whonndra region, Galatia. There was a sudden explosion and Sellsword Karl and Fury Inquisitor Christalia went to aid the castle guard fighting a group of mercs who destroyed the main gate. While unbeknownst to them there was also a robbery in progress. The Fire mage Lelahii and the Stalwart Dwarf Fighter Skaff saw the Magic shop owner Burke get cut in half by the combined efforts of a sorcerer and a barbarian. The strangers all engaged the mysterious foes and saved a very powerful and dangerous magic item(later found out to be the gem of dreams) from being stolen. Several days pass and the adventurers stumble upon a poster about being rewarded for killing goblins. upon inquiring at the Barracks for this simple task they learn about a Oathkeeper temple that was inhabited by goblins. The Adventures set out with some spotty directions, while traveling through Boar Forest they stumble upon a circular river with 2 trees, upon investigation they soon discover it was a trap for travelers and were found helpless in fighting off the hangman trees. Luckily a Friendly Halfling Paladin Sir Kadunkin and His trusty dire corgi steed named Scruffles aided them in fending off the trees, and the adventures continue on their quest to the Oathkeeper temple. As the party nears they decide to make camp for the night and they are ambushed by a small group of goblins who, although surprised the party, were easily slain. The adventures get to the temple, as they enter they find a group of goblins trying to read the Oathkeeper writing, and thusly the party expertly annihilated all foes without incident. Having the Temple to themselves the party found a mystery that was solved with the help of the Dwarf Skaff deciphering the Oathkeeper code and found a secret burial chamber of that order of Oathkeepers, in which they found an ancient iron looking crown which when placed on Karls head by himself immediately was destroyed. Thus concludes the first chapter of the great adventurers “The Big N Littles”

Episode 1.5

The hero returned to the city of Galatia, where they received payment for goblin parts and for their gems. They were then called to the fiendish gnome by SIr Kadunkin who had letters for Skaff which turned out were from his dad( who was thought to be killed in a Dwarven war) His dad revealed he was an oath keeper and he then revealed that his last wish was that Skaff become an Oathkeeper. After Karl bought a horse named Omen. Skaff and his friends travel to the secret dungeon called the Trials, Skaff passed all trials and Became a full fledged Oathkeeper, while Karl Christalia, and Lelahii all became Honorary Oathkeepers for aiding Skaff and they are all in the order of the Black Rose
Afterwards the party traveled to the great Oathkeeper fortress The Exodus. Upon arriving at the gate, something was amiss. All the guards and Oathkeepers vanished and Karl climbed to the top of the gate and over to let the rest of the group in. Entering the Keep of Exodus you discover it is abandoned, but upon entering the great hall you find a shadowy figure, later discovering every Oathkeeper in the castle has been beheaded. and the Dark figure teleports the heros to the dungeon filled with the headless bodies.

Episode 2

So last we left our team of brave fighters they were in the dungeon of Castle Exodus. They discovered their weapons were taken and the headless bodies started to attack. In a notion of quick thinking and reflexes Christalia changed to rabbit form and retrieved the jail keys while the rest of the party tried to fend off their opponents. First Karl falls unconscious with one foe left, then Lelahii falls with both her opponents looming over her. Suddenly a strange appearance of a stranger to the party, comes to their aid. With all the headless zombies slain, the mysterious stranger is turned out to be an oathkeeper in the Order of the Blind Raven from Direwood. The furious five man party, rushes to the top floor to aid Sir Kadunkin. They find him unconscious and upon awakening him find out the Oathkeepers grandmaster’s weapon Guillotine, was taken by the shadowy figure. the team then get to keep Fort Exodus for themselves. After everyone chose a room, the new team returns to Galatia and spends Days, count’em, DAYS gathering supplies for a new mission from Burkeson to retrieve a portrait of unknown effect, all that is known is that if you say a certain word while touching the portrait, something happens. With that the party set out on their new quest, to retrieve an unnamed portrait. Along their way to the Ruins of Ash they encounter a small group of a bugbear, a wolf, and a hobgoblin, the entire party defeated them without getting hit once. (good job guys) they arrive at the ruins, the party decides to split up, the party composed of Karl, Christalia, and Lelahii. Fight a measly choker in an easy battle… Meanwhile the dynamic duo known as Shieldstab (Ragnaar and Skaff) take on a fully grown mountain troll. After getting their asses royally kicked they slay the troll and take a reward from a chest, greatly earned. After a very easy battle against 3 skeletons, the party decides to rest.

Episode 3

After Several many hard fought battles, And with the aid of two new allies: Fovee and Kronk, the party clears the dungeon and retrieves the Portrait of ID. Returning to Galatia the party gets paid. After a week of downtime and much needed rest, the group of Lelahii, Karl, and Skaff stumble upon a mob of sorts at the castle gate, trying to execute Fovee for no other reason than Fovee being a Schacten. Fovee who was just trying to talk to the king and give him a message, was beaten and thrown to the ground before the party arrived. Skaff, having report with the citizens of Galatia, addressed the crowd and revealed himself as an oathkeeper, and vouched for Fovee and volunteered to escort Fovee to the King and stood by her side. After successfully winning over the crowd, the team Big’ N’ Littles meet King Plumpkin. Fovee tells the king a grim message that has started in Vyth and brought a warning to the king about Oathkeepers being erased and a dark shadow starting to take over the region. Afterwards the party partied with the king in the Fiendish gnome all night. The next morning the party stirs and finds that the city was attacked last night by hobgoblins. The Team goes out to assist a village named “Hell CIty” and meet Tex and all his brothers and one sister. along with Tex’s guidance the team arrives at the Hobgoblin village, after realizing they killed every male, they met with the village cheif and finds out about the poor state of the hobgoblins. The party decides to save the village and hire them to live inside the walls of the Oathkeeper fortress Exodus, offering the Hobgoblins protection in return for them working the land and helping the fortress produce crops and revenue. As the party leaves a dragon is seen flying overhead toward the hobgoblin village and hastily return to save the villagers. There was only 3 losses in the battle, two hobgoblin mothers and Karl’s steed Eunice, which was named not 16 hours before. On their journey back the party stumble upon a caravan of “knights” delivering Items to Burkeson. After solving a code, the dwarf Skaff receives a quill that is mysterious. That night Skaffs life was attempted to be taken by a small child that lured him into a trap. In the process half of the Fiendish gnome was set ablaze, but was successfully extinguished.

Karl's Thoughts #2

I am never putting anything on my head ever again. Ever. I need an ale. Hey! Sir Kadunkin! Nice to see you again! Shit, they’re still looking for me. Skaff’s kind of a slow reader (not that I should judge). Wait wait wait wait, your father was an Oathkeeper and now he wants YOU to become one? . . . YOU?! . . . (Ok cool.) “A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!” Who name’s a horse Omen? Are they TRYING to get me killed (stares at the GM)? Ha the dwarf got no hops. Though he was wearing half an armory on his back. GIMME THE BASTARD SWORD!!! Noooooo it hurts me when I use iiiiiiiiiiiiiit! (Oh well.) Nice castle, wish Sir Kadunkin had given us the flippin’ key. Guess my rope theory didn’t pan out, now my ass is bruised. Olo?! (No, wait it’s hello.) Hello?! Anybody hooooooooome?! This guy seems pretty shady to me. (Gasp) the food is HEADS! (If Nugget brands them he’s dead.) Isn’t it great how that villain guy was so good at house elf magic that he could just snap his fingers and make us disapparate? Good times. Ok not so good times because I got knocked out by headless zombies. (Yay me.) And now there’s a new guy named Ragnar . . . . . . . (wonder if he’ll take an arrow to the knee). Though to be fair, he does seem like a decently scruffy-looking nerfherder. (Ha, references.) Sir Kadunkin are you ok?! Ok so the grandmaster’s sword is called Guillotine and it’s missing? . . . (fuck it’s vorpal). I call this bedroom! Actually let’s head back into town to gather some supplies for our next gig. (Giff Gaff patty whack, give a dog a bone.) CAN WE PLEEEEASE STOP BUYING STUFF AND LEAVE? Got a sweet new shield though. (Secret sigil.) Ok let’s get going. Oh no, random encounter! Ha no problem. Let’s see, we have a wolf, a hobgoblin, and a . . . . . (silent terror) . . . . . BUGBEAR! Phew, can’t believe we got through that unscathed. THANK YA JESUS! (See me for details.) And now we’re at the ruins. Let’s just peek around this beautifully stoneworked corner here, and . . . oh dear. I seem to have become grappled by a large and sinister tentacled monster. Whatever shall I do? If only there were some brave lady well versed in the subtleties of fire magic to rescue me from my current plight. (Thanks babe.) Yeah maybe we should stick together in here. Hey guys . . . . . Ragnar please put your ribs away, it’s just indecent to leave them poking out of your body like that. Naptime.


AND WE’RE BACK with the adventures of Lelahii Vatra, our brave and wonderful heroine.

The bunny, dwarf, tall one and I returned to the city of Galatia to sell out dead body parts. Ew. and we got money for them! Less ew. We spent FOREVER there, waiting for the dwarf and tall one to talk to people, buy stuff, sell stuff, talk to more people, drink ale, and talk to more people. We found the small rider of big dogs though and he gave the dwarf some letters and their from his dad who died but not the way he thought and turns out he’s some important person and now the dwarf wants to be an important person. SO we all go with him to a secret place and he has to pass some trials. But we can help him. Sounds like cheating to me. We get through all of them, though he only passed the one by accident, but hey whatever works. So we get to the end we almost die via shadow but then we don’t because friendship is apparently a shadow’s only weakness. The small rider is there and he gives us all stuff for having passed the trials. At least we get something out of helping him. I get a cool firey whip which is really nice since I can’t run out of whip like I can run out of spells. So now the dwarf is an important person and the rest of us are half-important people. So we go to the important people castle but there’s no important people there which is foreboding. We go look around and find no people, and we go upstairs and find a shadowy person (destroy him with friendship?) and he has tons of food and asks us to eat. No thanks. I’m vegan and I’m pretty sure that that ham is not. The small rider wants into the room of the MOST important person and I go with him and there’s a headless guy. Ew. The rider is not happy about it and we go back to the room and tell everyone that there’s a headless dude and suddenly the food is heads and I’m really glad that I didn’t eat any of it. Small rider lunges for the shadow and now we’re in dungeon cells. With headless people. Ew. They stand up and attack us, because that’s natural, and I get knocked out. Shoulda used that undead ring. I have some cool unconscious dreams about being an owl which is cool beans. I’m conscious again and the zombos are dead and there’s some scot now and he’s joining us? Sure. We go find the small rider and the shadow is there too but he disappears. Probably because we now have an extra friend and the friendship is just too much for the shadow to withstand. That’s my theory. Well now he’s gone and we have a plethora of dead bodies that we can’t sell for money so we bury them instead. Now the castle is ours! Easiest sacking of a castle ever. I get my own room and it has windows! and the bunny is my neighbor! After spending several days at the castle sorting things out we go back to Galatia and find more work. Burkeson Burke’s son tells us about a painting that we can’t talk while we hold it but we don’t know why. It’s in a ruin/temple/scary sounding location. So we go! We run into some crazy animals and we kill them. I’m not a very good vegan… anyways we continue to the ruins and go inside! we come to a fork in the road…or rather hallway. The bunny, tall onw and I go one way while the small one and the scot go the other way. Solid dungeoneering strategy I’d say. We fight this octopus but it’s not an octopus it’s like an alien with tentacaly fingers I guess? It wasn’t too hard. My cool fire whip worked well. We go check out the other group since maybe splitting up isn’t best? Turns out they fought a giant ogre and almost died. Cool. The scot’s ribs look a little worse for wear but…I think he’s fine. We take out the skeletons around the corner and go to sleep.

Stupid trees

Hello, I’m Lelahii Vatra and I’ll be your heroine today.

So there I was, reading a lovely book about geodes and their magical properties that I’d…borrowed from Burke and Son’s magic shop. Did you know that rose quartz stones are said to have healing properties? Pretty neato. Anyways then Burke runs out yelling he was robbed. That’s my cue to…return that book I borrowed. Let it never be said I am a thief. But then Burke was in two pieces and some dwarf was there and there was another guy and they were fighting. Looks like the guy hasn’t been eating enough fruit lately so I teach him a lesson by giving him advanced scurvy. That’s always a fun one. There’s also. Guy on a roof shooting at the dwarf and since I figure there’s no way that lil munchkin would never be able to reach him, i send some fireballs his way. The end for him. Also for the guy he fell on. Oops. THAT guy has this cool gem though so i took it. Had Burke’s son appraise it and it turns out it’s a crazy dream eater thingy which is coolio. Except now there’s these other guys, well, theres this guy and this bunny but whatever. Burkes son gives us stuff for returning the dreater (dream eater but a cooler name) and i get this ring for undead stuff. Probably not useful but it looks cool. Except the small one got a ring that brands stuff and he wont stop branding everything he walks past so that’s irksome. And now they’re saying we’re a team or something so that’s a thing i guess. I hear my owl rustling in my bag so I tell it to shush. Big guy finds a sign about killing goblins for money so we’re off to the barracks to talk to the hammer guy. Soon enough we’re off to the woods, laden with cake mix. Wait thats just me. Anyways we’re sleeping in the woods, which is cool with me. I found a cozy cedar tree to sleep in. The dwarf wakes us up though and knocks over a tent when he shoves his face through it in his effort to get out. Dwarves. My owl couldve seen the goblins before the dwarf if he weren’t in my bag still. There’s only a few goblins and we kill them. Nbd. Back to sleep. The next day we find a couple o trees inside of a whirlpool river thing. Not suspicious at all. The ‘men’ spend a while trying to get to the island. Me and the bunny climb some trees. The trees move. Noone seems to care. Now we’re all hanging. Stupid trees. Its like a hydra tree. Cut one vine and two more replace it. And least in my case. Stupid trees. Thankfully a large corgi and a small man show uo and heal us and kill the trees. Stupid trees. Bye corgi and small man. If only we’d asked him to join us. I coulda had a corgi friend. Back to business, we find the temple and send the bunny to scout around. Could’ve sent my owl. But oh well. We see her go in the temple. That was not the plan. Its fine though and theres only four goblins inside though the bunny said she saw five. Weird. But we kill them no prob. The ‘men’ decide to walk doen the ominous hallway. The bunny and i pass. Theres some codes and messages and riddles and the dwarf nearly kills himself being dumb. Then we put gold in a brazier and theres some magic and codes and messages. And then we spend like two hours jiggling the jaw of this stupid statue, with varying intensity and angles. To no avail. But we decode the riddles and figure it out and get this spinning key thats oddly enjoyable to play with. We find a SECRET TUNNELLLLL … well it’s a secret room anyways. Theres dead people in boxes. We take their stuff. Including a crown that we know is magical. Not foreboding at all. Just everyday stuff, taking an enchanted crown from a tomb. The obvious thing to do is to put it on your head right? Well that’s what the tall one did. And he died. But then he didn’t. Stupid tall one. Hush small owl. Maybe next time you may come out of your satchel. Enjoy your cake mix.

Skaffs thoughts

I saw her, she was reading, a nice girl…i mean woman. She was sitting by a fountain, beautiful… then BOOM, people start coming in from the wall. Then CRASH, Burk and sons window is broken, and the girl comes over, as I see her face, and I was dumb-founded… then she whips out this fire and shit and I was like DAMN SHE A CRAZY BITCH! then I this guy…Well, this guys is tall, i feel like i keep talking to his crotch, but he knows his ale, so he is not that bad. I got a ring that I can brand people with, then we get on an adventure, this bunny chick is freaking out… I almost got killed by a tree, and got a code and the tall dude killed himself, dumb-ass…

Karl's Thoughts #1

Huh, this is damn good ale. WTF, was that an explosion?! OMG, the castle gate’s been destroyed! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to one-hit-kill you guys like that. Ha, Nugget was only in the brothel for like 30 seconds, must be quick on the draw. Nice of Burkeson Burkesson to give us some rewards for helping him not get robbed and die (RIP Burke). Really hope this ring comes in handy. Got it, kill lots and lots of goblins, get paid, and…something else I can’t remember, but hey how important could it be? Screw that, I’m not gambling with this guy, he sounds shady. Ha, nugget got gypped. Pleasant day for a walk through the countryside. Hey, there’s a sign on this rock, I think there’s treasure around here somewhere. For Pete’s sake, just open the box already. Shit, that one thing was important. Huh, why’s there random magic water around those trees? And why was jumping over the water so hard? And am I breathing? NO!!! CUT THE VINES! Ummm…is that a corgie? Hey come back here, I wanted to pet the cooorgieee! Ok we’re finally here (miraculously). So, you’re telling me that you went IN the ruins while scouting AROUND the ruins? Wow, that was easy, goblins are kinda blind. WTF is this supposed to say already?! Alright it’s getting harder now. Nugget you look kinda singed there, buddy. Goodbye my beautiful gold coin, your sacrifice will be remembered (single perfect tear). AM I SUPPOSED TO JIGGLE THE DUDE’S JAW OR WHAT CUZ THIS IS GETTING FUCKING RIDICULOUS?!!! Thank god we finally figured that shit out, I was about ready to throw myself on my sword. Interesting tomb you have here, sir. Ooh and interesting crown, too. Don’t mind if I do—SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!! Holy crap I’m alive! (And feeling less heroic all of a sudden.) Fin.


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